Borrowing Trouble

Today's Prompt: Pain-Free Pass. What’s a day that you wish you could have used a pain-free pass (either in the future or the past)? How would being pain or worry-free impact that day?

Worry-free.

I can't imagine the freedom that would come with a worry-free day from diabetes.

I've had a lot of big days in my lifetime where being worry-free would have helped. Graduations, performances, big presentations. I've sung for thousands of people several times. My wedding was a typically gorgeous wedding day - stress-free diabetes would have been nice (especially considering my BG was 450+ after the reception and a bad site). And there are the days my children were born, of course. Those were big days. Being worry-free would have been great, but it obviously wasn't necessary for me to pull off a successful day.

The worries I have in any given day... I try not to let them trip me up. I try not to let diabetes be the Lego in the floor (y'all know what I'm talking about). I knock them out as soon as they appear like a game of glucose whack-a-mole. Worry? Whack! Worry? Whack! I wrote just a couple months ago about not letting fear hang around and be so fear-ish-y.

In an effort to explain the little things I do in my day to my inquisitive preschooler, I've been trying to show Sweetie more and more about how I check my number and about the pump I wear and my glucose tabs and my Dexcom.

This week, several times, my Dex has alerted one thing or another and Sweetie has said, "Oh no, Mommy's Dexcom is beeping! Don't worry, Mommy!"

Hmm. Does she already get that I worry about my number? I don't think so. Not yet, at least. She often imagines herself a superhero and tells her toys she's there to rescue them - "Don't worry! We will save you! It's time for action!" She pretends to rescue her baby brother and the dogs and the cat. (The cat is not amused.)

But when she tells Mommy not to worry? It's precious and it makes me sad.

I know that my friends' children who are older carry the burden of worry with them in regard to their parents' diabetes. I know that my friends' children who have diabetes carry a burden of worry with them beyond their years.

I always kiss her and tell her, "It's okay, Baby. I'm not too worried."

But there will be days in our future where we worry together though and her worry will be genuine.

Those are the days I worry about. Those are the days I'll wish to be worry-free. Wish that she'll be worry-free.