Sunday, April 17, 2011

Sweet Meditations

Write something mindful. Live in the reality of the moment, without judgment.

Current BG: 150 mg/dL, post-low.

Me: sitting on back porch in "slightly too windy/cool to be out here in the shade" weather

People in the house: Husband sweeping living room. 18-month-old houseguest asleep in our bed. 14-month-old daughter sitting across from me in a lawn chair enjoying a cold breeze on her face and trying to figure out why lawn chair doesn't rock.

I just took a moment to attack her belly as she climbed up on me yelling Mama. Now she's gone to play under the tree, trying not to get knocked over by the wind.

Blogging in a mindful way is completely counter-intuitive to me. If I'm not supposed to make a point, if I'm not supposed to analyze, judge, relate, tie in...then why are you reading this?

I understand that meditation is supposed to be therapeutic. I know that people with diabetes have seen meditation have a positive impact on their blood sugars even. But I don't see it in my nature to blog about it. It should be something I do privately...and then maybe blog about the aftermath - what I learned from it, gained from it, how I felt after.

In the mindful moment, I think about the fact that I'm stressed out, that my stomach hurts, that I'm breathing heavily, that my neck hurts. I can't tell where my BG is at all, actually. Which usually means it's in the target range or just on the outskirts.

In the mindful moment, I can see that my daughter is perfectly lovely, soft, good-natured, funny.

The shady patio is cold, so I go inside and try to write on the couch. My husband and daughter are now snacking on goldfish crackers and watching Mickey Mouse. My houseguest is still napping. One dog is just aching for a fallen goldfish. The other is sleeping at my feet.

I know that time to myself is a precious commodity. This is about as mindful as it gets lately. Maybe that's my problem.

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