Monday, April 23, 2012

Getting Your Letter

Today's Prompt: Health Activist Choice Day 2! Write about whatever you like.

It seems like everyday I meet another person (or the parent of a person) who is newly diagnosed. Wouldn't it be nice if we got a Hogwarts style letter?
Dear ______,

Congratulations on your diagnosis of TYPE ONE DIABETES. Welcome to our ranks.

You are joining an exclusive club, a million strong here in the USA. We have a secret handshake.* (Please learn this in advance of your first endocrinologist appointment.)

Enclosed in your welcome package, you will find the necessary tools to get you by:

-thousands upon thousands of syringes
-a new appreciation for life
-insulin - the hormone you'll be replacing externally and synthetically for the rest of your life (and that could kill you if you take too much of it)
-an extra ounce of strength
-a deck of "keep your ignorant comments to yourself" cards for friends and family
-a calculator
-blood glucose testing supplies
-a bottle of extra-strength perseverance
-12 ass kickings (use these sparingly on yourself as the years go by)
-a logbook (you'll likely never use this)

You don't have to know everything about the condition to get started, but you will have to jump in with both feet. Besides, what we know today may change tomorrow. Be ready for that.

We may not always inform you of changes to your membership agreement, but you will be responsible for purchasing new tools, educating yourself on new techniques, and conforming to changes in standards with or without notification.

To this end, consult your insurance plan. You will find limited coverage, so good luck with that. We here at LifeChanging Diagnosis cannot intervene or be held liable for costs incurred.

Your enrollment is retroactive, effective the moment that your immune system waged war on your unsuspecting and innocent pancreas.

If you have any concerns or questions, please consult one of our following member services departments:

-The DOC (Diabetes Online Community)
-Your Doctor
-Your co-worker who knows that guy who weaned himself off of insulin because he stopped eating cookies and started that raw food cleansing diet...

We look forward to your subservience!

LifeChanging Diagnosis, LLC

*Ha. Like I'm going to share the secret handshake on a public blog!


  1. I adore you so much - you mentioned Hogwarts and anyone that will reference HP in a Dblog gets my attention. you give the facts straight up and honestly I kinda wish I did get a straight forward letter like that rather than the "It'll get easier, a cure is 5 years away" crap. love the last person to contact (lol listed last but in reality last person to ever ask) - Nicely done.