There's a phrase in German for when you can't pick between two people you love - "zwischen zwei Stülen" or between two chairs, meaning that you have to pick a seat if you're going to sit down.
I'm in a room of empty chairs.
I love my old, use-it-when-I'm-frustrated-with-everything-else-in-my-life, 100% dependable, out of warranty Cozmo insulin pump. They're out of business now. I have been wanting to move on. She's been there for me. When I first got my A1c into the 6s. At the end of two pregnancies when my Omnipod couldn't hold enough insulin. She's my ugly little workhorse and I love her, but being out of warranty, I'd really prefer her to be my safety school. Not my primary path.
I love my Apidra insulin. I've used it in Medtronic, Cozmo, and Omnipod with zero problems for roughly 7 years. It brings my highs down like a little speed demon and keeps me in fairly good control. I've had the best A1cs of my life on it. But it occludes in my t:slim pump. Clogs. Gels? Crystallizes? Sits there like pudding? I don't know what the hell is going on in there. I just know it has been problematic. I was wrong when I initially thought it was completely hardening in the pump (thank goodness), but I was right that I couldn't make it work for a traditional three day pump wear.
I really like the features on the Tandem t:slim pump. It is exactly what I wanted and feel we should expect from an insulin pump in so many ways. The iPhone of pumps. Feature rich, pretty, easy to work. Except for that whole little NOT PUMPING MY INSULIN thing. Kind of a bummer. A very very expensive bummer.
I could maybe learn to love Humalog curled up in her little purple chair over there. She's a bit of a finicky bitch with me. Brings my highs down when she feels like it. Bounces me around some. But she gets along with t:slim.
I keep pushing these chairs up to the table, demanding that we reach a compromise. And all the while balancing a toe on each cushion.
I don't know what to do. I tried Humalog for nearly 90 days. I don't like it as much. It's okay. It's not great. Too many highs. 400s. Last week, I spent three straight days over 250. I yanked it all, filled my Cozmo with Apidra, and spent the next three days in nearly normoglycemic control (except for those Girl Scout cookies, but that's neither here nor there). I was 90 and stable just over an hour after changing everything out.
Which makes me think I need my Apidra.
I took a deep breath and started up the t:slim again this morning...with Apidra. I'm going to try it for a month or so, using Apidra for no more than 48 hours at a time. I'm going to charge the pump between set changes so that the insulin is never exposed to the heat of a recharge.
My blood sugar two hours after a site change and breakfast is a lovely 115.
Come on t:slim. I need you guys to get along.
If not, I think I love my Apidra more than I love you. And that may put Lady Cozmo back at the table, warranty or no.