My endo reminded me today with a smile at my quarterly checkup that I had begged her to let me try this pump. I had high hopes. So it is with frustration, embarrassment, and a heavy heart that I put this pump back on the shelf.
I loved the innovation. Loved the employees with whom I have interfaced. Loved their responsive customer service. I won't tell you not to get this pump. I hope your experience is incredible.
It was not the right choice for me.
I've blogged here regarding the fact that Apidra insulin cannot be used in the t:slim. Cannot. Be. Used.
When I last blogged, I stated that I would be trying Apidra on a 48-hour rotation to see if I could have a functioning pump for that short of a cartridge lifespan. By hour 30, my blood sugar had skyrocketed. By hour 37, my insulin was spoiled. Cloudy. Gray.
Before that last attempt with Apidra, I had tried Humalog from early December through mid-February. My highs were 300-400s. My lows seem to hang on for hours. I felt like I bounced from one end of the glucocoaster to the other.
|Posted this image on FB in January. Felt so lost.|
Did not believe pump at fault. Took full responsibility.
|Feb 17. I was now suspicious. This isn't right.|
There was that time the whole luer lock fell off.
There was the fact that I had taken to charging it only when it didn't have an insulin cartridge so that it didn't risk overheating (if indeed that was the culprit). Inconvenient, to say the least.
There was the night I slept on it on my hip and it felt warm to the touch when I woke up with a high blood sugar in the middle of the night and my Apidra was spoiled.
So many highs in the night when my basal insulin should have kept me relatively flat, whichever insulin I used.
I love the touchscreen. I love the input features like color coded information, carb calculators, the basal profiles that show all your ratios alongside your basal!
I didn't particularly like the clunky packaging on supplies, the 3min+ it took to slowly fill the (short) tubing every three days, the fact that the bolus calculator didn't adjust your insulin dosage down (reverse correction) until you were below 70. All of that was in my initial review. Not dealbreakers.
Pumps have their pros and cons. After 13 years on these devices, I know that you take the good with the bad.
But what I hated...what I can't allow myself...is the feeling that I have to babysit my own life support. Like I can't trust it. Like I'm putting my life on the line for a flashy new toy. And that's where I find myself now.
I've told myself it's user error. I've told myself it's all in my head. I've told myself I'll lose face. I've told myself that no pump is perfect. Some of the people in a rather "love it or leave it" t:slim group on Facebook have asked me to stop posting about my issues and I've left the group.
|All in my head?|
|This is how I woke after a night on my old Cozmo pump, pumping Apidra, March 10th.|
But I can't hear simultaneously that I've reached the crossroads of "you have a family now" and "your eyes are bleeding" and make the call to stay the course with this device.
I have too much on the line.