D-Parody: You Need Some Carbs Now

You Need Some Carbs Now
(a D-Parody of Taylor Swift's "You Need to Calm Down")

You’re a type 1 that I don't know
And you’re takin' shots like me but your keto,
And I'm just like, damn, have you tried this jam?

Your face goes all crazed and you freak-out
And you tell me sugar kills and you scream out
And I'm just like, "Hey, it’s PB&J”

And I ain't tryna mess with what works for you
But I've learned a lesson that stressin' and obsessin' 'bout what people eat is not cool
Cuz cakes and scones didn’t give me type 1

So oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh
You need to calm down, you're kinda stressed out.
I may just like ho-hos, ho-hos, ho-hos, ho-hos, ho-hos (oh)
You need to just stop. (Can't you just stop?)
Like get all that hate away from my plate.
You need some carbs now.

You like to go low carb and that’s cool,
But you're comin' at my friends like a missile.
Why you so mad?
Are you well-fed?

Moderation’s fine, we can eat grains.
Sure Paleo was fine (in the dark age).
Reading your post made me want some toast.

You just need to take several seats and then try to chew on your meats
And control your urges to scream about what somebody else eats
'Cause shame never helped with an A1c

So oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh
You’re way too extreme, try some ice cream.
You may need some ho-hos, ho-hos, ho-hos, ho-hos, ho-hos (oh)
You need to just stop. (Can't you just stop?)
Like get all that hate away from my plate.
You need some carbs now.

And we see you over there on the internet,
Accusing Big Carb of killing us.
But we got your back,
We all know that you just need a snack.
You need some carbs now.

Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh.
You need to calm down.
You're way too stressed out.
You may need some ho-hos, ho-hos, ho-hos, ho-hos, ho-hos,
But you need to just stop (can you stop?)
Like get all that hate away from our plates.
You need some carbs now.