Tuesday, April 19, 2011


Today's prompt from the WEGO Health Blog's Health Activist Writer's Monthly Challenge (#HAWMC) is to free write on a topic of your choice.

Some of us stress out a lot about our idea of perfection. I didn't think I've been one of those people, honestly, until maybe this week.

In various phases of my life with diabetes, I have given up on the idea of "perfect control" for one reason or another. As a kid, it was because I didn't know my control could be better. In college, I didn't believe my control could be better. In adulthood, I have learned the hard lesson that you can be doing almost everything right and be far off from any kind of "perfect control." And yet, I am one of the best "controlled" type 1 diabetics I know. I think that's why I write. I am doing great, and I'm still not perfect...so breathe.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

At this point in my life, I hadn't really stressed out about perfection. I don't think I knew I had it. I have a fairly comfortable life, a job that entertains me, a husband and partner who is everything I ever thought I deserved, and a daughter who delights me every minute of the day with her cute little personality.

Many of the major life events I've shared with my husband have been perfectly storybook - our honeymoon, finding our house, his job, my pregnancy, our first year with our kiddo. And we have felt a bit entitled to a little goodness. It wasn't bestowed on us by fate for surviving various crappy life experiences or anything - it was hard fought and hard won by us as individuals and as a couple through our attitude and the choices we have made.

This week has been far from perfect with our little houseguest. I've faced challenges to everything I had been taking for granted about our life. And yet, I'm intrigued to see what we can make of this. I've wept loud sobs every single day, but I've laughed harder than I've laughed in a long time, too.

When you don't believe in fate, when you can't know an alternate future, and when you try not to live with regret, you are free to use your own ingenuity to change your cards. No fate but what we make for ourselves (thanks, Terminator 2).

I wonder if I could redefine perfect once again in my life, family, and relationships in the way that I have for my health. I wonder if I could accept peaks and valleys the way I do in my blood sugar control. Yes, I stress about the up and down-ness of it all, but I manage. Could I redefine a life so exhausting, so hectic, so confusing?

If I were to take a microscope to my life as I have been cherishing it, I'm sure I would find I had already redefined it many times before.

It's all a matter of perception.

1 comment:

  1. "Could I redefine a life so exhausting, so hectic, so confusing?"

    Yes. I think you could. That's the biggest thing I've learned in the last two years. I thought I had to be perfect to be happy. Or at least for the mood swings and anxiety to be in control. But now I understand that I can frame my life to be about joy even though it is still (and always will be) an emotional rollercoaster. I ride the highs and wait out the lows...and try to come out joyful when all is said and done.

    But just because you could...that doesn't mean you are obligated to. You still get to choose if you want to make such a big change. Without any guilt.

    P.S. I'm always in awe of your writing. Subtle but focused. Easy. Fluid. But you knew that. ;)