Thursday, April 12, 2012


Today's Prompt: Stream of Consciousness Day. Start with the sentence “Today I looked in the mirror and…” Just write, don’t stop, don’t edit. Post!

Today I looked in the mirror with tears all over my face. I'd just cuddled with our kitty for the last time. She was calm and quiet - having lost her sweet voice months ago to whatever this mystery respiratory ailment has been.

My husband and I have been struggling with when to make the right decision and when was the right time to make it. When to decide on her quality of life. She was down to just 4 pounds from her normal weight of about 8. Her nose so clogged that she had to breathe through her mouth 24 hours a day.

She'd suffered through a litany of treatments - different antibiotics for months, nose drops, aspirating her, giving her fluids via needle, appetite stimulants, high fat recovery food. We'd had her tested for everything  - even diabetes.

We made the call this morning and I stayed with her through it.

Home now, I've pulled out the cleaning supplies to clean up her favorite resting spots - the sunny window sills covered in snot, her food bowl full of expensive prescription food.
I'm finding catharsis in this act. Not because it erases her. That's not what I mean to do.

But because I'm removing the signs of the horrible sickness that took her. The trail it left reminding me of how she suffered and how we couldn't fix it. Couldn't even diagnose it.

As I'm scrubbing, the percolating of the coffee pot sounds like her labored purring.

Bye bye, baby. I know we did the right thing. We'll miss you.


  1. i read the warning and came over anyways. that's the hardest decision i've ever had to make, honestly. hugs, melissa. i know how hard it is to lose them.

  2. So sorry about your kitty. It's a beautiful post and there are tears streaming down my face. I'm going to go give my 20-year-old kitty some extra kisses and hugs today.

  3. I'm so sorry. It was so hard when I had to put my beloved Gabe down. But I really felt that the actual act of having put him to sleep and relieving his suffering was one of love.

  4. I'm typing this through tears. I know what a hard decision that is to make, but I also know they somehow let you know when it's time. Be proud that you did what your kitty needed you to do, even though it breaks your heart. She is in a much better place now, happy and pain-free, except that she misses you so much. I'm sending good thoughts to all of you!

  5. I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like she was a kitty that was loved very much and lucky to have such a caring owner. Your post is a lovely tribute to her.

  6. ((((((((((((Mel))))))))))))

    Such a hard decision. One I had to make almost 2 years ago for my puppy girl, Sasha. I miss her every single day.


  7. melissa, i am so sorry for your loss. losing a pet is so devastating.

    i hope writing this brought you some peace. <3